Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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