I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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