dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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