I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU