Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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