She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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