She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize