Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Pooping to opera.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
