I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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