He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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