Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
