mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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