Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
