It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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