mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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