i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
