May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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