So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i out mim tonsoeep
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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