Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
