I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
