You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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