If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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