Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
