He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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