If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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