What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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