The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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