She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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