you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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