If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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