That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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