so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
