Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When are your genitals available?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
