lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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