woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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