38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
