I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
