So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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