Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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