just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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