ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
