Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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