YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
