But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
