At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
