he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
