I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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