I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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