The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
