I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
