Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
