Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
