you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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