how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
