As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
