grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
