it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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