Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
