Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
