there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
