Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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