Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't notice because vodka
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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