yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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