Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
