1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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